It is mid-January. If you walked into a gym in LoHi two weeks ago, you probably had to wait in line for whatever equipment you want to use. Walk in today, and the crowd has likely thinned out by half, next month it will be back to its usual level.
We are hitting “quit day”.
For many men in Denver, the New Year is approached like a reset button. A fresh start and a we set massive, sweeping goals. We decide we are going to run Sloan’s Lake every morning at 6:00 AM, cut out alcohol entirely, and double our productivity at work.
But by the third week of January, reality sets in. Maybe work got crazy, or a sudden cold snap dropped the temperature to single digits, making that morning run miserable. You missed one day, then two. Suddenly, the shame spiral kicks in. You feel like you’ve failed, so you scrap the whole plan.
As a therapist specializing in men’s mental health in the Highlands, I see this cycle every year. The problem isn’t your discipline; the problem is the psychology behind “New Year, New You.” Here is why it fails, and how you can actually make progress this quarter.
The Trap of “All-or-Nothing” Thinking
Men are often conditioned to view success as binary: you are either ahead or behind. There is no gray area.
When we set resolutions, we often rely on grit, discipline, and willpower. Nothing wrong with these traits, but they are often unsustainable past a week or two on their own. When the obligations and responsibilities from the grind of daily life kick back in after the holidays, willpower fades, and old habits return.
Starting to slip on a resolution can start the slide into foreclosing on a resolution. “I already ate a donut/skipped the gym/lost my temper, so what the hell, I might as well give up on the day.”
Why Denver Men Are Susceptible to Burnout
Living in a high-performance city like Denver adds another layer of pressure. We are surrounded by a culture of optimization. In the Highlands, it feels like everyone is training for a triathlon, launching a startup, and renovating a Victorian home simultaneously.
This environment can make you feel like you need to improve everything about yourself immediately. But trying to overhaul your physical health, career, and relationships all at once is a recipe for burnout, not self-improvement.
A Better Strategy: Systems Over Resolutions
If you are already feeling the New Year’s motivation slipping, stop beating yourself up. Instead, shift your strategy from resolutions to systems.
A resolution is a wish: “I want to be less stressed.” A system is a tangible action: “I will leave my phone in the kitchen after 8:00 PM.”
Here are three ways to reset your goals for the rest of Q1:
1. Look for Incremental Steps
Forget the grand gestures. Look for the workable changes you can make. If you are struggling with anxiety or sleep, don’t promise to meditate for an hour a day, start with five or ten minutes. Set some small boundaries that signify change: no work email before you’ve had your coffee. It’s small, achievable, and builds momentum.
2. Focus on Addition, Not Subtraction
Resolutions are often about deprivation (no beer, no sugar, no lazy days). Those aren’t bad goals per se, but they don’t reinforce behaviors that serve us. Add a 10-minute walk around the block at lunch to get sunlight. Add a monthly poker night with friends to combat isolation. When we engage behaviors that move us towards what we value, the bad habits naturally have less room to operate.
3. Embrace no zero days
I once had a client who enjoyed long backpacking trips. When challenging himself he could accept not hitting the milage he intended some days, as long as the mileage was never zero on a given day. If you are trying to build or resume a habit, like exercising, there is no value in beating yourself up over missing a workout or cutting one short. If you planned a long run on a day you don’t have it in you, that’s fine, a mile or two is still better than zero. Doing the thing is better than arguing with ourselves over whether it was good enough or not. As long as we do something there is progress to keep building off of.
You Don’t Need a “New You”
The phrase “New Year, New You” implies that the “Old You” isn’t good enough. That is a terrible foundation for mental health. You don’t need to become a different person, you need better tools to understand and evolve the person you are.
Making meaningful changes at any point during the year can be hard and therapy for men can help craft a strategy that will stick. If you live in the Highlands or the greater Denver area and want to map out a plan for your mental health that actually sticks, let’s talk.
