Trauma and Growth, Post-Quarantine
I think it’s safe to say the last couple of months have been traumatic. I even think it’s safe to stretch the clinical definition of what a trauma is (per the DSM: “actual or threatened death, serious injury, or sexual violence”) to include what many have experienced during quarantine. Even if we haven’t had first hand experience with a COVID-19 you don’t have to look far to find news of deaths and mortality rates, and we are all susceptible. The DSM doesn’t consider the loss of a job to be a trauma, but I disagree. Sure your life likely isn’t immediately jeopardized if you find yourself unexpectedly out of work, but the repercussions of an extended period of lost income can be catastrophic. I have a lot of gripes with the DSM, but that’s another conversation all together.
The darker side of trauma is well known. PTSD has become ubiquitous, and even when not used in its true clinical sense, it is often used correctly in the spirit of that clinical definition. The other end of the spectrum is less well known.
Posttraumatic growth was a term coined by Richard Tedeschi and Lawrence Calhoun in 1996. As that term implies, with a certain percentage of the population there is a marked change for the better after experiencing a major life crisis. This is different from being resilient. Maybe this gets a bit too pedantic and jargony, but resilience is usually defined as one’s ability to bounce back after a crisis, whereas post traumatic growth is more than just “bouncing back”; it is improvement.
The concept itself isn’t new, but efforts to better understand and define these phenomena are. Tedeschi and Calhoun have outlined five domains where growth can be seen:
A greater appreciation for life and changed priorities
Warmer more intimate relationships with others
A greater sense of personal strength
Recognition of new possibilities for one’s life
Spiritual development
What I really want to emphasize, though, is that Posttraumatic growth doesn’t happen automatically. Some research has found that simply reporting a changed and improved life perspective after a trauma doesn’t actually correlate to meaningful changes down the road. One example is Iraq war veterans. That study found more indicators of posttraumatic growth 5 months after returning home, but more posttraumatic stress 15 months after their homecoming. A recent op-ed, from author and Iraq and Afghanistan veteran Elliot Ackerman, in the New York Times never references this study, but eloquently describes exactly this phenomenon. He reflects on a sense of aliveness and celebration upon returning home. Until the grief came.
Over the last couple of months I have heard and read many stories of the good things that have come from quarantine. Reconnecting with old friends. A new appreciation for children and partners after spending so much additional time with them. Reengaging old hobbies and passions that had been relegated to the bottom of the priority list. Certainly, the forced time at home has afforded many the time that they just never seemed to have for these things. But I also think they are (or at least could be) indicators of posttraumatic growth. The key to seizing this opportunity for growth is to not take it for granted.
What lessons have you learned? How have your priorities shifted while in quarantine? Now may be the time to be introspective about these, to reflect on what realizations we may have had about what really matters. I think it is natural to appreciate these things in the moment and expect we will be changed by these insights. Unfortunately, the science doesn’t back that up. The truth of the matter is if we want to retain that growth, we have to work for it.
I could list a few suggestions for how you may be able to capitalize on that growth, but I don’t think that’s the way to go. These lessons and priorities are deeply personal and I don’t think a template suggested by me would do them justice. Instead I suggest something of a quick and concise guideline: find some time to get clear on the lessons you have learned, what you want to prioritize, and start making a plan. That plan can be as detailed or a vague as you would like it to be (not too vague though). Start looking ahead to the changes you need to make, or the ones you would like to keep, and how they fit into the “new normal” as the world begins to slowly work its way back to its pre-COVID state (or as close as we are going to get). Figure out how to make the time to continue to connect with your partner. Find the time in your schedule to continue that new mediation habit, or that reclaimed love for painting. Don’t neglect that old friend.
Like many I hopped on a Zoom happy hour with some old college friends. It was spearheaded by one of my best friends, Mark. I still consider him one of my closest friends, though we don’t talk nearly as much as we used to. I wouldn’t say I lost touch with the others he invited, but (I am embarrassed to admit) it had been a couple of years since we last spoke. Despite the time gap the conversation was still fun and effortless. Despite all the changes and things that get in the way, which included kids growing up, divorces, and career shifts, it (as cliché as it may sound) was truly “just like old times”. It was refreshing and wistful. There was some sadness at the realization of how much I had neglected relationships that were clearly important to me. As we were wrapping up someone remarked “we really shouldn’t wait so long to do this again, it shouldn’t take a pandemic for us to get together like this”. She was right. I’ll need to take my own advice and make sure it happens.
I started working on this post before George Floyd was murdered. My thought was that it may contain some quick, useful information for processing the trauma of COVID-19 and the possibilities when shifting out of quarantine, but it became pretty obvious some of these ideas apply to the bigger societal issues we face. I thought about making some edits to include race and the recent protests, but that just didn’t seem right. Merging the two together doesn’t do justice to recent events, so there’s another post coming for that.