Tips for Quarantine
These are anxious times, no doubt about it. All of Colorado, and many other parts of the courty, and under “stay at home” orders. Large chunks of the country are shutting down, and the headlines are dominated with updates on the pandemic, and often the death toll. And many of us are watching it unfold while quarantined in our homes, which can sharpen the impact of those worries.
Being sequestered at home in the best of times can be fertile ground for anxiety. Having a global pandemic to worry about can only exacerbate that anxiety, perhaps substantially so. There’s perverse irony that at a time when we need connection, outlets, and meaning more than ever so many of us are isolated at home (for good reason of course), away from opportunities to meet those needs.
I am optimistic though. Not naively optimistic. I’m doing what I can to stay informed, there are very real reasons to be concerned; things are bad and probably going to get worse. But I am confident we will make it through this. Us humans are a cooperative, adaptive bunch. We have a history of persevering, and I think we will persevere here as well.
Despite my confidence, things definitely suck right now. So, how do we make them suck a little less?
1. Get informed, not overwhelmed
You can’t check the news, social media, or much of anything really without seeing references to COVID-19. It is simply unavoidable these days. Especially with social media it can be easy to fall into some panic inducing rabbit holes. No doubt, there is plenty to worry about and it is important to be informed. But how much time does it take us to be informed each day? Five minutes? Ten? An hour? It is easy to spend hours cruising headlines and diving into social media, and there is plenty of bad news to go around. Where does it cross the line of gathering up to date information into being overwhelmed with more information than we need? Emotions drive user engagement, and I think it is fairly well known in the age of the internet that content is often designed to drive engagement, not necessarily deliver objective, accurate information. With all of this time now spent at home it can be helpful to get clear on what information you need to know for yourself, your family, and your community, and then decided how much time is reasonable to get that information on a daily basis. However much time you decide is reasonable, try to limit your COVID-19 media exposure to that each day. You could get updated all at once in the morning, or maybe you plan three updates per day, a morning, a mid-day, and an evening update. Set some boundaries around it and avoid the rabbit holes that lead to being overwhelmed, not informed.
2. What still matters?
During a tele-health session with one of my therapy clients last night they described a “weird relief” that has come in the face of a crisis. Frankly, I don’t find anything weird about it at all. Crises can have a way of forcing a perspective shift. A shift from infinite to-do lists and never being caught up, into a laser focus on what actually matters now. While “sheltering in place” it can be easy to get caught up in what has been lost and what we are being prevented from doing. But what do we still have, right here right now, that really matters? If we are quarantined with spouses and children what new opportunities for connection have we been presented with? Is there an old friend you’ve been meaning to reach out to but just haven’t found the time? Maybe you’ve got nothing but time now. Many of my therapy clients practice some level of meditation or mindfulness, or have been meaning to. Dabbling with a new mindfulness practice, or recommitting to an old one, can shift the tone of isolation. Perhaps there are unique opportunities to cook and eat healthier instead of just grabbing what is quick and easy. In many ways we are being forced to slow down, and that can be rough. However, this forced slow down can also give us a unique opportunity to really focus on things that matter.
3. Control what you can
There is no shortage of things that are suddenly out of your control. The list of things you can control has likely gotten considerably shorter in recent weeks, but what is left on it? Nothing is too small here. It can be as simple as tidying up and organizing a desktop we have kept meaning to get to but life keeps getting in the way. Maybe look at what matters from the last item for inspiration. If you’re quarantined at home with family you still have control over what you do with this time you have with them. We don’t have to control everything we still have control over, just the stuff that helps. Perhaps there’s an opportunity to follow through on those intentions for healthy eating. Now could be a unique chance to take the time to prepare a healthy meal, or eat healthier snacks. Whatever it is that you consider taking good care of yourself, control that.
4. Things suck, so be kind.
Things are bad, and probably going to get worse before they get better. We can’t do much about that aside from being socially responsible with where we go and the distance we keep from others. Routines and many creature comforts have been stripped from us. We are doing the best we can with what we have, but things are bound to slip here and there. We may not be getting work done as well as we would like. We may not be parenting as well as we would like. When we aren’t performing up to our own expectations we can be our own worst critic, but it’s important now more than ever to be kind to ourselves. We don’t have to be effusive with this kindness; resisting the urge to beat ourselves up is enough. We don’t have to collude with the critic. Circumstances have made it difficult (maybe impossible) to fulfill our usual roles like we typically do, can we find some peace with that? Maybe our kids get a bit too much screen time, maybe some work tasks get a bit neglected. Can we acknowledge the limitations in place and be “ok” with that? We can get back to striving for our best later, lets get through this first. Being kind to those around us is especially important as well (and maybe easier than being kind to ourselves). Adjusting our expectations of partners, roommates, children, etc. can go a long way. They are struggling with all of this as well, and acknowledging circumstance may be preventing them from being at their best benefits everyone.
Unfortunately, there’s no telling how long it will be before things starting trending back towards normal. Of course it isn’t this black and white, but we have something of a choice in these uncertain times: do we do things to make it worse, or do we do things to make it better? I don’t think anyone would willingly choose to make this situation worse, but it isn’t always obvious what can make it better. That’s why I urge you to be thoughtful and intentional with how you are spending this time in order to do what you can to make it suck as little as possible.
Every therapist I know is still working and offering services via tele-health. Help is still out there and accessible if all of this isolation is taking a toll.