"Quick" tips to beat depression

I’m not really a fan of “7 ways to cure your depression!” style lists. They usually over promise and under deliver. The National Institute of Mental Health estimates that around 17 millions Americans suffer from depression in a year, and that about two thirds of them feature “severe impairment”. If all you needed were a few hacks to eliminate depression I don’t think those figures would look like that. It isn’t my intention here to “hack” depression away. I don’t have any kind of secret that all of those lists miss. The secret is there really isn’t a secret. The three tips that follow aren’t intended to be a one and done. They are skills to be practiced that can be helpful in changing the trajectory of depression. The “quick” is that they can easily be added to your day, not that they are quick fixes.

1. Figure out what is important to you, and engage it every day.

This can be a lot harder than it sounds. I think it is probably the hardest on the list, but also the most important. The importance lies in why I think much of the well intentioned advice out there falls short. It may sound funny, but why should you do the things that might make depression better? If the immediate answer is along the lines of “I want to feel better” that is a valid point, but also not very effective motivation. Of course we all want to feel better, but if that were reason enough no one would fail at their diet, everyone would get their 90 minutes of exercise a week, and we would all be on top of the pile of things we “should” be doing to feel better. But here we are. Whenever we think we “should” be doing something I think it’s fair to ask why. Sometimes the answer is great. “I should do the dishes”, makes sense in order to have access to the tools required to eat healthily, and to eat the way you would like. The drudgery of the dishes may be worth it to Other times not so much, even if they are disguised as being helpful. “I should be doing something productive right now”. If it’s Friday night, you’ve had a busy week, checked a reasonable amount of items off of your various to-dos (and let’s be real, those lists aren’t ever fully completed, are they?) you may be entitled to a little time to disconnect. In fact there’s a fair scientific argument that disconnecting and taking care of ourselves will actually make us more productive, but that’s a whole other post. Shutting your brain off to watch Netflix, or doing nothing in order to be present with your partner may be far more important than being productive, despite what your mind tells you.

I may not be athletic by Denver standards, but I make it a point to incorporate some level of activity into my day. The go-tos for me these days are running and jiu jitsu. While I enjoy those activities its not the act of running or BJJ in and of themselves that hold importance to me. Yes, I enjoy them, but they tie to something greater. My wife and two boys are, without a doubt, the most import things in my life. I would like to be as active and engaged with my boys for as long as my body will allow. My wife and I fully intend to retire, and I fully intend to continue enjoying my life well into my old age. The more I take care of my body now, the better it will hold up as I get older. Running is a way to control what I can in terms of my family history of cardiovascular disease. BJJ keeps me limber enough to roll around on the floor with two very active little kids. Plus, my oldest son has taken a liking to jiu jitsu, making it more than just a sport we enjoy, it’s a bonding activity as well.

I don’t run or train BJJ because I “should” get so many minutes of exercise in in a week, I do them because they tie to things that are intrinsically valuable to me. Again, as odd as it may sound, it is easier said than done to do the things we know are good for us. Being able to differentiate between the “shoulds” that are legitimate and the ones that are not gives us a bit of an edge. Our minds respond better to situations when we can see a way through, and often times a way through depression is staying engaged with the things that matter. Therapy can help with the plethora of things that can get in the way of being engaged with them, but clarifying what matters and building habits to have some contact with them every day goes a long way.

2. Find something to savor every day.

This could be anything that you enjoy, and simply finding the time to slow down and really let yourself enjoy it. Simple, but not easy mind you. It is commonly suggested when starting a daily mindfulness practice to set aside 10 minutes a day. Right, easier said than done. The best laid plans of mice and men, and all of that. As brief as 10 minutes sounds, and really is, it can be just as easy to forget or dismiss it as it is to find it. Life has a funny knack for getting in the way, and as busy and connected as we are there are no shortage of distractions to block us from finding the time. It could be just about anything, nothing is too small.

For me, coffee is a go to here. I’m fond of my coffee, but all too often I can mindlessly sip away and find myself at the bottom of the mug before I know it. I’m more focused on a screen, or thoughts of what I need to accomplish that day, than I am on the flavors and textures in my mouth. Going for a sip and finding the bottom of the mug often brings a twinge of disappointment, like I missed out on something. My coffee is gone and I didn’t really get to enjoy it. It adds some vibrance to my day if I can take even a few minutes to let myself enjoy that cup of coffee.

This doesn’t necessarily have to be something you “do”, it can be more of an internal experience. By nature we are great at finding and focusing on the things we should, or could, be doing better. We’re not so great at taking a moment to give ourselves credit for something we did well (or good enough). I’m not suggesting you lie to yourself, and these aren’t “positive affirmations” (I’m not a big believer in their effectiveness, some studies have found they can even make us feel worse). When you finish that home project what would it be like to pause and acknowledge “hey, this turned out pretty alright”. If a pleasant memory pops into your head of your partner, your kids, or anyone you enjoy spending time with could you let it linger for a while so you can really enjoy it?

There can be a lot of options here. Getting into the habit of allowing yourself these quick indulgences can change the complexion of a day.

3. Connect with people.

In keeping with the themes above this doesn’t have to be anything large scale. We are social creatures. We are a cooperative species, and this cooperation benefits us. We wouldn’t have evolved to where we are today without each other. There is a baseline helpfulness in simply being with other people. As with the previous two items there is no too big or too small here. Sure it could be attending, or arranging, some big gathering with friends. It could also be making small talk with the barista when you order a coffee. These days it doesn’t even really have to be face to face. It would be calling an old friend, or a not so old friend that you never seem to find the time for. Maybe a phone call is asking too much, getting or staying in touch via text message counts here too. This one is really about connecting, connecting in any way you can muster.

There is an element of knowing yourself here, knowing whether you tend towards introversion or extroversion. I’m assuming those terms are common enough that anyone reading this is familiar with them. If not here is a quick test: do you feel energized being around people (extrovert) or do you feel like you need to recharge when you are done socializing (introvert)? Be cautious not to let these categories define you though (they are more of a spectrum than two mutually exclusive categories). If you tend towards extroversion that doesn’t mean you have to “go big” here. If you tend towards introversion I’d urge extra caution not to allow introversion to equal isolation. If you are more extroverted it may mean crowds and groups may serve you better, and are worth the extra effort to get there. If you fall more on the introverted side of the spectrum a more intimate one on one conversation may serve you better, as well as respecting and acknowledging you may have some limits here. Personally (despite what I do for a living) I fall on the more introverted side of things. As much as I love connecting with a close friend, or having several of them over for a gathering at my house, I have something of a timer that starts counting down at the beginning of a social engagement. When that metaphorical timer expires I’m not kicking everyone out of my house, but man, I am fried.


Some Bonuses

Three areas I suggest anyone coming into my office take a look at, regardless of why they are there, are diet, exercise, and sleep. There’s enough evidence out there that it is generally accepted that if there are improvements to be made here, making those improvements will help you feel and function better. One can find plenty of guidance (and often conflicting information) on what they should be shooting for, but a good rule of thumb (in my mind at least) is making sure you are taking care of yourself. It's not about adhering to a specific diet or exercise regimen, it’s about finding out what works for you and your overall health. If you are taking care of yourself in these three areas odds are good your mental hygiene improves.

Of course, common features of depression often include sleep disturbance, appetite disruption, and lethargy. The goal isn’t to power through, or will yourself, into sleeping 8 hours a night, eating nothing but healthy well balanced meals, and hitting the gym five times a week. The goal is more doing what you can to maintain your usual nighttime routine. Doing what you can to get up at whatever a normal wakeup time is. If you want to get up at six and find yourself sleeping until noon splitting the difference and getting up at nine is a move in the right direction. Sure it isn’t six, but it isn’t noon either. You may not be able to stomach a full healthy meal, but can you pick the apple over the cookies? Maybe you don’t make to the gym, but you can keep your bag packed and read to go, or you might be able to make it outside for a walk around the block. Maybe it isn’t your usual workout, but it is getting up and moving nonetheless.

Actually, one more bonus thought. Take it easy on yourself. We all too often fall into self criticism when depression (or anything really) gets the best of us, but it happens. Treating ourselves with some kindness can help prevent the hole from getting deeper.